The Camera Loves My Kid

about 2 weeks ago, i'm looking frantically for our "nice" camera and can't find it anywhere. i don't ask alex just yet, because he rarely uses the camera and prefers to take pictures with his iphone. i wanted to avoid a lecture on my ability to lose things at all costs. (are you noticing a trend here? my husband was probably a professor in another life.) i continued my desperate search and began to panic. i finally decided to ask alex ever so nonchalantly, "hey, have you seen the canon?" i see it in his diverted eyes. i can read his mind. he's thinking: i'll see your nonchalance and raise you apathy. "oh yeah, i sold it last night." now picture me in slow motion with fangs and steam coming out of my ears: "you WHAAAAT? what do you mean? you sold it over night?? without telling me or asking me?" i think he realized the error of his ways and alleviated the imminent hysteria by assuring me he'd buy me a better camera soon. i leave for florida next week, so i told him soon needed to be soon. fa real fa real. growing up, my dad had a knack for shutting me up with the phrase: "halla bebineem chee meeshe." literal translation: "let's see what happens." intended translation: "i want you to stop nagging me. the answer is no, but i won't outright say it, for fear you'll nag me some more." he did his research. i did mine (thanks, imants!). i decided to buy the Olympus EP-L1. never have i read the owner's manual to anything and i've started reading the one for my camera. i've always had an appreciation and love for photography, but never pursued it. i've been dabbling with the camera for the past 2 days and am happy with the purchase.

two funny anecdotes i thought i'd share:

1. do not take a child under 8 to see the new harry potter movie. the following is a conversation between D and me that has taken place for the past 2 nights before bedtime:

D: "Mom, do robbers steal kids or just house stuff?"

T: "er, um...just house stuff."

D: "how do you know?"

T: "i know everything."

2. i can sleep easy now knowing that A may not bring me a "My child is an Honor Roll Student at ____" bumper sticker from school. girlfriend is a bonafide artist. she sees things and describes scenes in a way that i know i certainly did not at three years of age. for example: yesterday, she's on the toilet and is staring at the bathroom mat in front of her feet. D had just showered and A notices a wet imprint on the mat and proclaims, "Mom, come here and look at this duck in our bathroom." i walk over - slightly baffled, but then i remembered mohsenis make profound revelations in the bathroom. it truly looked like it was in the shape of a duck. have you ever looked up at the sky and noticed an animal, person, or object from the shape of the clouds? i used to do that...when i was 25. other artistic/poetic comments include: the leaves are dancing (leaves were blowing in the wind). that tree is crying (pointing to a weeping willow). we english teachers call that personification. :) and don't be freaked out by this comment, but she is very interested in the concept of death and recently asked about the whereabouts of my paternal grandmother. i explained she is no longer alive and she asks, "does she still have eyes, even though she is dead?" that's some deep, philosophical shit, no? she really surprises me sometimes.

sweet dreams.

Too Cool for School

this picture makes me smile

my genes in full force

the end is near, ya'll. i'm days away from being fully licensed to teach language arts to the high schoolers of fairfax county! (what? you old farts didn't get the memo, either? they be callin English - language arts now.) it only took 16 weeks of my life, 174 gray hairs, and 453 "moooom, you're always on the computer" gripes from the kids! and now the hubs is on my case to get a job - ASAP. now, wait just a minute mister. 4 score and seven years ago (really 8), i've either been pregnant, working, or staying at home and raising two pretty cute, semi-well-behaved kids. i have yet to enjoy the freedom i was given 3 months ago when A enrolled in preschool. now that i'm done with this intensive teaching program and have written 50 papers (yep, that's right!), peer critiqued 160 papers and have read hundreds of pages, can i please get a minute to myself?? there is tennis to be played, half-marathons to be trained for (your eyes do not deceive you), weight to be lost, children to be spoiled, and holidays to be enjoyed.

and really? is there going to be a fabulous job opening right smack in the middle of the year for little ole me? i think not. and even if there is, i'm sure there will be others in the fall of 2011.

i just need some quality time with me, myself, and i. 6 hours a day to be exact. i need some peace and quiet and solitude to make up for the fact that i've been busting my balls for the past - oh soon to be 8 years of my life since i became pregnant and gave birth to our first and soon to be 7 year old daughter, miss d. just having written that i am a mom to a 7 year old still makes me freak out just a little. woah. how and when did my kid grow up so fast? girlfriend is already in a band and everything. she's the lead singer too. they have band practice every tuesday and wednesday at recess and on those mornings she asks that i pick a - and i quote, "sassy" outfit for her to wear.

anyway, where was i? so i'm trying to really savor the last months before i enter the work force, hand in time sheets and immerse myself in the world where girls wear ugg slippers to school and the boys all look like shaggy from scooby-doo (my astute observations from my one week of student teaching at a local high school).

i will now share with you one of the papers i wrote during this semester. my teacher liked it so much, that she sent it as an email to the rest of the students to read. it felt like 3rd grade all over again - my heyday as teacher's pet. we had to write a metaphor about what it felt like to develop a lesson plan for our future class.

Teaching Your Child How To Ride a Bike

One of our many responsibilities as a parent is to teach our child how to ride a bike. It can be a long, arduous learning process for some children, while others learn rather quickly. The various stages involved in teaching kids how to ride a bike are akin to the development of the culminating project for my poetry unit.

The student who enters my 9th grade English class has had her training wheels for quite some time. She has learned how to read and write or pedal and steer, without having to worry about keeping the bike upright. As I teach her about the similes, metaphors, rhythm and rhyme found in a poem, I am walking alongside her and asking her to think about the poem's meaning or balancing on the wheels of the bike alone.

Once she has demonstrated successful pedaling and steering or poetry analysis and identification of different poetic forms and literary devices, I can gradually raise the training wheels higher off the ground so that the bike is a little more unstable. As my student gains confidence on the less balanced bike, eventually she will be ready to have the stabilizers removed all together and will be able to complete a culminating project. When I see she is comfortable with the essential understandings and adept at answering the essential questions through formative assessments, I remove the training wheels from the bike.

I then hold the back of the seat of the bike and one handle-bar. I push and run along with the student, instructing her to keep pedaling and look straight forward. She begins writing her own poems or finding poems with a common theme. I take my hand off the seat when I feel the student is balancing on her own accord. I give some words of encouragement and constructive feedback as I review her outline and rough drafts and take my hand off the handle bar, allowing her to ride entirely by herself and complete the project. It is an exhilarating feeling to witness her ride the bike on her own and hand in her completed project. I feel a sense of pride that I have taught her a valuable life skill she can enjoy and use throughout her life. I feel a sense of pride that I have made a small difference as I did when I taught my six year old how to ride a bike.

***

i will admit that i told a little white lie in the last sentence: i haven't exactly taught D how to ride a bike just yet. i mean, come on. you gotta remember- i have a law degree too. it's not like i can just forget my roots. there's got to be some BS in there somewhere. :)

My Life is Not a Science, But the Shit is an Experiment

(that's D and A. believe it or not, they're still 6 and 3.

although at times it feels like they're teenage gang members.)

it's been a while. i'm back by popular demand (well 3 loyal followers to be exact have asked for a blog update. i'm looking at you shar, imants, and ali). how's everybody doing tonight? the girls and i just returned from the running store and costco. apparently, i need to add personal assistant to my glorious resume. the hubs asked if i could go on a wild goose hunt for him and buy him new running shoes. you see he is running a marathon this sunday. in california. the marine corps was all booked, so we did the next best thing. booked tickets to san francisco, so he could partake in the joy of running 26 miles for god knows what reason. (who in their right mind feels the need to run 26 miles? i swear, i am not going to spend my days wheeling him around or waiting for him to catch up to me with his walker if he develops bad knees, bad ankles, achey joints, what have you...i'm going to be too busy playing hokm, getting my weekly peer-e-zany hair blowout, and spoiling my grandkids.)

did i mention he signed my kids up for some races too? A will be running 10 yards. and D will run .25 miles. i can just see it now - my girls are going to turn into running addicts like their daddy and i'll be the lone-slacker-fatty in a family of athletic runners. great. i will say this, i ran (for the most part) 5 miles yesterday and i felt pretty good about myself. it made me feel like i could eat crap for the rest of the day, guilt-free. but on a serious note, i'm actually considering running a half marathon next year. just to say - yeah, i did that. i'm a badass. i asked the hubs if he'd get me a snazzy gift if i ever ran a half marathon and he said he would. and don't you shake your head brother in law of mine. that would be quite the feat (i mean think about - taraneh running. for 13.1 miles. hello??) and quite worthy of a handsome reward. i've had my eye on a nikon d300s (+ several awesome lenses) for ever.

after the cali vacay, i will be teaching 30 hours in a local high school. i will most likely teach 9th grade honors and regular and a 12th grade AP Literature class. i'm nervous, anxious, and scared shitless. i subbed the other day for a first grade class and at the end of the day, the kids asked, "were we awesome?" and i lied and replied, "yeah, you guys were awesome!" they responded, "but, you yelled at us the entire time, we couldn't have been awesome." busted. what can i say? there were 4 kids in that class that were so unfocused, disruptive, and annoying. i gotta work on my classroom management skills. i've researched, read about, and written countless papers on it, but putting into practice is a whole other story.

i can't believe it's almost november. where does the time go? i cannot believe i will turn 25 this summer. haha. i have got to make sure that i exercise more and use under-eye cream daily. to this end, i went to lululemon and bought myself some cute exercise clothes. i was tired of wearing the same ratty workout clothes from 1998. i have this theory, that if i look and feel cute exercising, i will do it more. (please don't judge me aforementioned brother-in-law) so far, i've worked out 8 of the 11 days. not too shabby.

that is all for now my loves. i will do my very best to update more often, but these teaching classes are killing me softly. (i have to read 100 pages a week, write 3 papers a week, and peer critique 10 papers a week for 16 weeks. 8 down. 8 more to go.) it warms my heart that you still come back and check up on this little blog.

The Camel Clutch - and I Don't Mean a Purse

it was 2 am in the morning and i couldn't sleep. i had watched 6 episodes of entourage and was wide awake. (p.s. love sloan and eric) i was at my parents' house in my old bedroom and decided to peruse through the contents of my nightstand. i found some interesting stuff. they included: what appeared to be a love letter to my husband from a latvian girl. it was from 1998, so it passed the stank test, since i met my husband in 1999. i would like to get it translated though (inga - i'm looking at you). i swear i have no clue how it got in my nightstand. it was the first time i had ever seen it. for real. it was in a ziplock bag alone with a bunch of pics from my husband's glory days at latvian camp. i found some old birthday cards and letters from friends. one particular birthday card from 10 years ago made me tear up. we are currently "separated" and i don't mean distance-wise. i also came across a book, entitled, "a book about me," that i had filled out when i was younger. this entry cracked me up:

the strongest person i know is ___________.

rather than fill in my mom or dad, i took the sentence very literally and wrote Hulk Hogan. yes folks, i used to be a die hard fan of the WWF. randy macho man savage (let's not forget the lovely elizabeth), jake the snake roberts, and the iron sheik were my heros of the day. how i got into this and how my parents allowed me to watch this nonsense and prohibited the show married with children is beyond me. i also found a packet of persian names that i had printed out while pregnant with A. it reignited the third child itch, but only for a second.

i am about to start a new chapter in my life. classes start for my quest to become a high school english teacher. i have a pile of homework due on the first day of class and asked myself - "taraneh, what have you gotten yourself into? - but only for a second.

because i know full well why i'm doing this. i want to go back to work. i want to interact with people! i want to edit papers, read books, and inspire kids - rather than jail them. i loved being in the courtroom and cross-examining witnesses. i loved the people i worked with, but i didn't love having to send a kid away to jail because he never had anyone to look up to, or be inspired by - or have anyone that believe in him for that matter. i don't want to get all sappy here. but it's true. teaching will be much more rewarding than what i was doing before.

my little girls are growing up and it's time for mommy to shift some focus onto herself. this will be good for my sanity, good for my kids, and good for my marriage. i'm not gonna lie, it's going to be nice to spend my own money without any guilt. and getting dressed up in the mornings, missing my kids, and shifting some more responsibility to my husband. "honey, can you make dinner - i've got a stack of papers to grade...honey, can you put the kids to bed, i'm exhausted from work and have to work on tomorrow's lesson plans. thanks doll!" he'll probably frown, grunt, or sigh - but only for a second.

Dear Tooth Fairy:

my daughter means business. girlfriend lost a tooth. literally. and wants to get paid.

she had a loose tooth for weeks. and waited. and waited. and when it finally fell out during khale day (aka spend the day with your wonderful aunt), it went missing. so here is the letter she started to write today before she left for camp. it's hilarious. i hope you enjoy... see translation below. :)

translation: thank you for all the money (thus far). my tooth just fell out (on sunday). i am sorry i lost my tooth. i would really appreciate...to be continued.

p.s. i'm just happy she didn't flunk kindergarten. :)

I Get It Now

i thought i'd spruce things up a bit and change the layout. honestly, the pink was kinda getting to me. let me know if the new template gives you a headache.

a couple of years ago, when the iphone first came out, my husband proclaimed, "today is the best day of my life." i was offended, insulted, and unamused. you mean to tell me the best day of your life was not our wedding day? it wasn't january 6th when we had our first born? or june 26th? the birth of our second born?! but you see, my husband is an apple fanatic. not a lot of families own an apple desktop, mac book pro, 2 ipads, and the latest iphones. we do. he loves apple, the way i love movies. and i found myself proclaiming, "this is the best weekend of my life," more than once this past weekend. i went to the afi silverdocs documentary film festival and saw movie after movie after movie. i waited in standby lines outside with the 95 degree sun pounding on me and barely noticed. i saw 5 films on saturday and 3 on sunday. i would have seen more on sunday, but my dad flew back from iran and it would have been utterly rude if i wasn't there to welcome him home. (believe me, i thought about it. but with one grandparent out of the country, i wasn't going to risk getting on the bad side of one of my saviors for the summer.)

so yeah - i was in heaven. i was alone for the most part and really don't feel like a loser going to a movie by myself. i always manage to get a fantastic seat right in the middle. my sister came to two movies with me and took my kids swimming on sunday to allow me another festival day. bless her heart. these films were extraordinary. the directors were also there for Q and A sessions after each movie, which was a real treat. an added bonus was the live presence of some of the subjects of these films.

my favorite films include:

budrus = a film about the power of a palestinian village to peaceably fight, in an unarmed movement, when it is threatened with destruction by Israel's separation barrier. Ayed Murrar, a family-man turned activist in the film, came onto the stage after the film ended and i was so caught off guard and overwhelmed by his presence, that my eyes started welling with tears.

monica and david = an intimate look into the first year of marriage of two people in love...who have down syndrome.

circo = a glimpse into the life and struggles of a family involved in a traveling circus in rural mexico.

the movies are so riveting and poignant. they show the every day struggles of people in the world and make you feel like a chump for thinking *you've* got problems. movies are like an escape for me - my refuge for a short while. i can't wait to go back next year!

Aloha!

amazing views...look at the water!

deep thoughts by taraneh

the 2nd hike my body could not go on

one of the best burgers i've ever had

highlights from a much needed vacation with the hubby, sans kids:

but first - i'd like to thank my mom, in-laws, sister, mary-ann, zan amu and elham for making this trip possible. i am deeply indebted and incredibly lucky to be blessed with the love and support of the above-mentioned people who not only took care of my kids but as a result took care of me, my well-being, and sanity.

kauai is a magical place...i feel refreshed, rejuvenated, and relaxed. hello tan lines. i needed this trip. i needed to be alone with my husband. i needed to eat in peace. i needed to sleep in peace, without changing the soiled bed sheets of my 2 year old night after night. i needed to go to bed on my time and on my terms without having to read the 6 year old 849 books before bed. i needed to just lay on a beach or by the pool and read to my heart's content without worrying about kids drowning, kids peeing in the water, kids wanting a snack, kids taking a nap, kids getting bathed and dressed...you get the picture.

now to some of the highlights:

- did a grueling 12 mile hike up a mountain to see the most incredible views

- got to try lychee and sugar cane at the fabulous farmers' markets

- got 2 tennis lessons and i'm now i'm really hooked and want to get lessons here too

- stayed in the most amazing hotel - best i've been in so far - the grand hyatt in poipu

- saw jake the bachelor and vienna by the pool. apparently jennifer anniston, nicole kidman and george clooney (drool) were also on the island, but i didn't see them.

- read an amazing book - little bee

- watched seasons 1 and 2 of curb your enthusiasm

- back and forth discussions of having a 3rd. i don't know if it was the heat or what - but alex really wants to go for #3. he pulled the 'imagine life without mohsen card' and it's tempting. i know i'll have regrets in 5-10 years if we don't. but right now, today, i can't. i'm close to reaching personal goals with career and weight. and i really love sleep (and my boobs). on the trip, i kept looking for signs to help me decide. at the hotel, i saw this young, good-looking couple with 2 cute daughters and i said to myself - that's my sign - this content, family of 4...and 10 seconds later this little boy comes out of nowhere and screams, "mommy! daddy! can we go swimming? pleeeeassse!" and i proceeded to mutter "oh, shit!" under my breath. did i mention i have until friday to decide. alex is funny. :)

the summer is upon us...and it's going to be a busy one. 3 weddings, relatives from iran, mom is going to iran, summer camps, birthdays, beach vacation with the kids, and classes start for me mid-august. i'm ready.

You Make Me Happy When Skies are Grey...

8 years ago....TODAY:

my sister did my make-up for the biggest day of my life

in the chaos, i left my veil at the hair salon and had to throw a piece of organza on my head when i walked down the aisle

i made a vow to cook ghorme sabzi

in his vows, alex mentioned something about oatmeal (can you tell we're obsessed with food?)

i danced polka to super trouper for my first dance

i was listening to my dad and father-in-law give the world's longest speeches

i gave a speech telling my brothers-in-law that they were going to be the amus (uncles) of some really cute kids

i sang you are my sunshine in front of 250 people (american idol is not calling any time soon)

at the end of the night, alex and i are quoted as saying we want 5 kids

i married the man of my dreams - the same man i met 12 years ago at the iranian students' foundation meeting at UMCP with green eyes and a sexy accent, dressed in a brown cashmere sweater, wearing black combat boots. and on that day i came home and promptly informed my mom and sister that today i met the man i am going to marry. talk about a girl getting what she wants...they don't call me T-Bone/Ice-T for nuthin'.

happy 8 year anniversary babes! es tevi milu!

I am sorry to say, you are NOT the biggest loser...YET.

so i've been doing pretty well with the whole diet experiment. i haven't had chocolate or ice cream in days and surprisingly, i'm not really craving it. sometimes i think about greenberry, but that's about it. i allow myself 2 helpings of greenberry during weekends in maryland. i'm enjoying the kashi cereal with blueberries for breakfast and for lunch, my sister introduced me to the most fabulous general tso's vegan chicken from whole foods. i have two vices that amount to 300 calories per bag - freeze dried mangos and bananas from trader joes. i can't help myself. it's too good and i eat an entire bag in one sitting. i'm not the "just have a taste" kinda girl. it's all or nothing with me and i've been a little greedy.

i've hit the gym, tried yoga (and pulled a neck muscle), worked out on the elliptical machine in the basement, and played tennis. i am in love with tennis and am considering taking lessons. playing a sport like tennis or soccer doesn't really seem like exercise to me. and not because i don't push myself - but because it's FUN. i considered getting a personal trainer at my gym - but now i think i'd enjoy a personal tennis instructor so much more. (hubba hubba). i'm 2 weeks away from our hawaiian vacation and 4 weeks away from my friend's wedding. i've dropped 7 pounds, but have a long way to go. i'm slightly concerned about all the hiking alex wants to do in kauai. miles and miles of it. i hope i can keep up. and it won't be much of a romantic vacation if we split up - he hikes while i lay on the beach and read, but damn that kinda sounds like music to my ears right now.

mother's day was lovely. we had a nice brunch at my in-laws, courtesy of alex: crepes with delicious berries and mangos. the homemade whip cream kinda made up for the massage i was hoping for, but didn't get. for lunch, i ate moby dick and ice-cream cake, with my side of the family (wait, i guess i have had ice-cream recently).

in other news...i'm a full-fledged substitute teacher ya'll! i've worked twice. once with 6th graders and once with kindergarteners. here are some observations:

6th graders are totally disrespectful, wild, and suffer from ADD. i'm not gonna lie. i kinda hated subbing for those brats. it was tough. i spent most of the day disciplining, rather than teaching about the civil war and distance = rate x time. i had to take away calculators - kids were sneakily doing their math hw during language arts (not on my watch, buddy!) and had to move kids half way across the room because they were talking and disrupting the class. i was relieved when the teacher returned early and i was sent to the principal's office to help with mindless, administrative tasks. (the principal loved me and put me on her priority list of subs - go me!)

the kindergartners were a joy. i'm beginning to understand why my mom thinks i should follow in her footsteps and become a kindergarten teacher. the kids were innocent and well-behaved. and so freakin cute! it's amazing how in such a short period of time, i could pick out the future jocks, flirts, goths, loners, nerds, etc.

i can only sub when alex is off. so i've had to turn down some sub jobs that i really want - like middle school english, high school english, high school esol. i hope i'll be able to work in those types of classrooms to really get a sense of what it would be like to be an english teacher and if i can handle the older kids.

i keep delaying the iran post. speaking of iran - my dad left yesterday for a 2.5 month stint and my mom will be gone the entire summer (gulp). i am going to go cry now. wait. i just had an aha! moment. shiiyet. i'm like the little engine that could...i think i can i think i can...come up with some way to get me some me time. two words: summer camp.

Day 3 and 4 & Some Faves

have been eating healthier and attempting to snack less. in the sweets department, i have indulged in a few snack size oreo cookies here and there and dried mangos from trader joes. have had no chocolate or ice-cream, though i'm guessing i will go to greenberry tomorrow, since i haven't been in oh so long. but i will limit myself to the 5oz as opposed to the 8oz. however, i will not deny myself the mini-chocolate chips. (baby steps people) i also would like to go to cava at some point over the weekend- and will likely eat locamates for dessert (delicious greek donuts drenched in honey) since they are practically the only dessert my sister can ever order in a restaurant because of her dairy allergy. as you can see, i make sacrifices for the people i love. :)

the biggest news i have to share is that i finally made my man the ghorme sabzi i promised him in my wedding vows 8 years ago. better late than never. it was not as painful as i had imagined. of course buying the ready made frozen sabzi from yekta helped tremendously. it turned out pretty darn good if i do say so myself and i regret not taking pictures to document the momentous occasion. (and to have proof for later in life when alex is old and demented and will likely accuse me of never fulfilling my promise.) i suppose this means i will have to make it again at some point.

here are a few of my favorite purchases of late:

a pair of betsey johnson pearl earrings. love the diamond inserts. all of my non-gold earrings are made by betsey johnson. i love her jewelry. eclectic and unique. i'm a sucker for her bow collection.

my favorite flower is the orchid and its many versions. this particular beauty was purchased from trader joes for $9.99 and will hopefully remain in tact for another week or so.

knobs from anthropologie, which i plan to use as hooks in my closet to hang my necklaces. it was love at first sight with the bird knob...

my comforter from anthropologie is amazing. i've been begging alex for a new mattress for the past 3 years, but this comforter makes me totally forget about our awful mattress. alex gave me the dirtiest look when he first laid eyes on it. i will admit - it is dainty and a tad feminine. but a few nights later, he claimed it was growing on him.

well, i'm going to break out the summer clothes and get ready to go to georgetown with the family unit...

Day 1 & Day 2 of Get Skinny NOW

day 1: i ate a banana for breakfast and set out with A to buy my beloved mac eyeliner that had run out in iran. for lunch i ate a tomato, avocado and tuna salad. dinner included turkey tacos minus the generous helpings of cheese and sour cream that i am accustomed to. i will admit i probably used 1 tablespoon of each and ate 2 taco shells. whatever. for dessert i had 2 delicious mangos. my whole foods had a sale on a box of 15 mangos (9.99). not too shabby.

day 2: in the morning, i ate kashi cereal with fresh blueberries. (go me!) i decided to hit up costco, home depot and walmart for gardening supplies (flowers, dirt, etc. and yes walmart has a surprisingly good selection of flowers). at costco, i refrained from buying those amazing croissants, madeline cookies, and a very berry sundae (this last item was torture). i was slightly naughty when i tried a free sample of a cinnamon roll (but only had one! come on, how can you go to costco and not partake in a little sampling??) A asked for a slice of pizza and i had 3 bites. wasting food is a horrible thing, you know. i was able to pick up some lovely flowers to plant from costco and was disappointed with home depot's collection. i headed over to the shopping center that has a walmart.

however, i took a detour to target. everyone and their mother (in my case - sister) has been blogging about the $30 cynthia vincent wedges. so i had to see what all the fuss was about. of course, they were sold out. so i casually strolled over to the snack aisle and noticed a bag of snack size oreo cookies. oreos - where have you been all my life? i arrived home from iran and while unpacking - alex shoved an oreo in my mouth. i have never been an oreo lover. i must have been 5 when i ate my last oreo. but i was pleasantly surprised by the delightful chocolate sandwich cookie! so i ate 9 of those which is equivalent to 130 calories.

i find that the more i try to deprive myself and not eat sweets, the more i obsess about them. i felt that by the end of day 1 i was grumpy and cranky and think it was because i had somewhat starved myself. for dinner, i ate alex's homemade hamburgers (which are to die for) and had 2 potato roll buns (300 calories).

i haven't exercised yet. i need to get my asthma in check. i hope to hit the gym tomorrow and do a light cardio workout and some weights. i also want to change things up a bit on this blog. i primarily use the blog to discuss motherhood - but i'd like to include some of my other interests as well. stay tuned. same bat time. same bat channel.

you know you're fat when...

you can't zip up your bridesmaid's dress for a wedding that is six weeks away...AND

you return from iran and step on the scale to find that you have gained 5 pounds and didn't even snack throughout the day (are daily glasses of watermelon juice really considered snacks? i think not!)... AND

your skinny friends are running half marathons and your lazy ass can't even run a mile without getting an asthma attack.

iran post coming soon...but i am on a mission and need to announce it the world (well the 10 of you that read this blog). i am going to lose weight this month by eating healthy and hopefully working out, if the asthma permits.

did i mention my other incentive for shedding the pounds and getting my college body back? HAWAII. the husband and i will be celebrating our 8 year (eek!) anniversary late may and i'd like to make him drool by seeing me all tan and oily in my new one-piece juicy bathing suit that i scored from tjmaxx for $49.99 last year and can't quite fit into just yet.

watch out world!

current weight: 147 (that number is all kinds of embarrassing)

goal weight: 127

i know 20 pounds in one month is ridiculously impossible - but i hope to achieve this goal by my 34th birthday, which is july 14. perhaps i will keep a daily log of my progress for your entertainment pleasure.

my little village girl

Five More Days Until Take Off...

it's been a while...i can't really explain my absence. i've been lazy, somewhat unmotivated, and busy. we leave for iran on friday and i couldn't be more excited and nervous. nervous because i'm hoping my husband and bro-in-law don't experience any issues leaving the country...my nationalist self was in full effect these past few months in defending my country and convincing them that everything would be fine and that they had nothing to worry about. (fingers crossed) i'm also anxious because this will be the first time i'm visiting the motherland with my little nuclear family minus one furry 2 year old. will D behave and be warm and friendly or be totally intimidated and shy around my relatives? will she make no attempt to speak farsi and make her mother look bad? will my husband honor me with his presence to the countless family parties or would he rather be stuffing his face with kabob?

there's a chance i may extend my stay there by a week. i'd like to spend some quality time with my grandmother who is frail and likely to feel slighted, insulted and neglected if i don't. but part of me wonders if i can really be away from A for 3 whole weeks!!

speaking of A - potty training is going well. the dancing, clapping, and cheering continues...i'm excited to enroll the Mohseni sisters in summer camps. this will be one of the few times that the girls can participate in the same camps together. so far, they are signed up for princess camp (much to alex's dismay). it's really a glorified ballet class.

alex is on to project #2. and it doesn't involve my bathroom or kitchen. he is building a tree house for the girls. yes. a real tree house around a big oak tree and everything. i'm slightly concerned about safety, but his work in the basement bathroom has put my mind at ease.

on wednesday i will attend a substitute teacher orientation. substitute teaching will be nothing like actual teaching, but it will give me a glimpse of what i'm getting myself into. i just hope it doesn't completely turn me off the path i'm heading towards. i remember that a sub = paaarty, no discipline and zero respect. but being a mom of two feisty girls has prepared me to not be a pushover. i will whip those kids into shape if they disobey. :) plans are in place to start taking classes in august to become a full-fledged teacher.

and that concludes my update. i promise to be better about blogging. the sun, warm weather, and change of wardrobe totally lifts my spirits. happy persian new year! i leave with you the dancing sisters - in full halloween and persian tribal costume. i taught them everything they know... :)

My Husband is a Rock Star

if there's one thing i hate, it's admitting when i'm wrong. and man was i wrong about my husband. a few months ago, he decided to renovate our basement bathroom: a 70s style bathroom with the ugliest wallpaper, tackiest vanity and an eye-sore of a yellow toilet to match. i was all for updating the bathroom. i was very excited about adding a shower and increasing the value of our home should we decide to sell in the future. we got a few estimates that were way out of our budget, so i thought we'd shelve the project for some later time. but my husband got that look on his face. the same look he got when the iphone came out (and he unabashedly proclaimed: this is the happiest day of my life) he wanted to take on the bathroom remodel project solo. his persian genes were in over-drive. you see persian men think they are the jack (or javad, if you will) of all trades. they think they are doctors, plumbers, carpenters, mechanics, engineers, all wrapped in one nice hairy, big-nosed package.

so i was less than enthused for a number of reasons:

1. my husband has zero experience in laying down tiles

2. my husband has zero experience in plumbing and installing showers

3. my husband has told me about the hell involved in removing wall-paper

4. my husband was going to rely on a book to take on this endeavor

5. my husband works like a dog and now was going to spend his "free" time in the dungeon rather than spending it with me and the kids??

6. my husband is going to spend all this money and quit midway

7. i'm going to have to console him for being a quitter and stroke his ego

in the 3 months that ensued, many trips were made to home depot. many days were spent listening to banging, sawing, and sighs of frustration from below. i can now rest my raised eyebrows and set aside my doubts. he did it! he really did it and it looks glorious! [insert hallelujah music here.] i'm incredibly proud of him. i really had my doubts. but, he proved me wrong. he is seriously talented. he came across many obstacles, but his determination and perseverance produced a beautiful work of art.

about 3 minutes after he installed the last finishing touch to the bathroom - the towel bar - he says to me, i can see us living in this house for another few years. (what a coincidence!) i'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that he put so much heart and time into building this bathroom, that he can't part with it anytime soon and wants to reap the benefits. i don't blame him.

the thought of sleeping in peace in the morning, while my husband showers and gets ready downstairs at 4:30am makes me giddy. i have to admit, i'm a little jealous. i want a luxurious bathroom to call my own. i'm really hoping he'll feel sorry for me and offer to remodel "my" hideous bathroom. i know he needs a break now. but like his desire to buy a new gadget creeps upon us once a month, i know his desire to work with his hands will creep upon us again. and this time i won't be so skeptical and negative. i'll be the loving, supportive wife who takes full advantage of the fact that she's sleeping with a handyman. i've got grand plans for the kitchen.

before (gasp!)

(gag)

drum roll please...

isn't it lovely?

You Talkin' To Me?

last week my 6 year old got off the bus in a very sad, somber mood and i asked her what was wrong. her response: nobody wants to sit next to her on the bus. i try to explain that most of the kids are older and have been riding the bus for a long time and have made their friends. i promise that next year will be different. i try to explain that it's not that big of a deal and to not let it get to her. i can't help but feel a twinge of sadness that my daughter has to feel alone, upset, or insecure.

a few days later, on my first day back at the gym (after oh 3 months), i took dina to the gym childcare center while i worked out. she made fast friends with another girl there, but once again she wasn't her usually chipper, talkative self when i picked her up. on the car ride home, she said a boy at the gym told her that he hated her. oh god! seriously?! i told her that usually that means that they like you but are confused about their emotions. i explained, how could he possibly hate you, if he doesn't even know you? don't even sweat it, D. i immediately call her dad for some fatherly advice and over the speaker phone he tells D, that if he ever bothers her again, she should use some of her tae kwon do moves on him. (not exactly the kind of reassurance i was looking for - but it did make D smile, so i let it slide. )

these incidents have brought back a memory from my own childhood. i lived at my aunt's house for a while in elementary school and i would dread the bus stop every morning. there was a boy, a year older, but 2 feet taller, who made my life a living hell. he called me every name in the book and threatened physical harm on me on a daily basis. i never said a word, which i think made him angrier and fueled his desire to get a reaction out of me. one day, i had just had it. i wanted to put this bully in his place and stop the agonizing misery i felt. so i turned on the water works (this was the day i realized that i could one day win an oscar) and walked through the door of my aunt's house. my favorite cousin, who had started his first year of college was sitting at the breakfast table and rushed over to me. are you ok? are you hurt? what is going on? i explained the daily torture i was going through. and he assured me that he would take care of it.

the next morning, he walked me to the bus stop and asked, is this the kid who keeps bothering you? i looked down at my feet and nodded my head. the next minute plays out like a scene out of the godfather or scarface. my hero of a cousin, in essence, told that boy if he ever talks to me or even looks at me again, he will either kill him or beat the shit out of him. i can't remember which. such colorful words were used that morning, that were not yet part of my vocabulary. the kids eyes starting tearing up, he went pale and from that day on, never spoke to me again...until years later. i wonder - maybe this blue-eyed monster had a crush on me? maybe he was intrigued by the shy, ridiculously cute - unibrowed persian girl - who kept to herself and never uttered a word to him...(side note: he ended up dating one of my best friends in high school and i never let him forget what an asshole he was to me. thankfully, my friend came to her senses and dumped him.)

i'm thankful that i had my cousin serve as my pseudo-bodyguard that day. but looking back, i kinda wish i had the balls to stand up for myself. i should have bombarded him with a wave of persian insults - *khak-to-saret chaghaloo, boro gom sho kesafat, bemeer pedar-sag, khar-jendeh...what's the worse that would have happened? he would have hit me? that's when i would have brought my cousin over to break his legs. oh well...

i wish i could protect my little girls from all the name-calling, teasing, hurtful incidents that are sure to come their way. (at least they don't have a name like "taraneh," which would have made life 10X harder for them.) but i do want them to be strong and able to handle these predicaments on their own. how do you raise confident, secure girls when there are so many biatches and bullies in the world? who knows, maybe one answer is martial arts. i just had a scary thought. peer. pressure. gulp. i can already foresee the wrinkles, grey hair, and sleepless nights. 10pm curfew makes perfect sense now.

translation:

*dirt on your head fatso, get lost dirtbag, die - your father is a dog, your sister is a slut. when telling someone off in farsi, it is very common to insult one's relatives. check out D's killer moves in tae kwon do. she done make mama proud.

On a flooded Desert Highway, Cool Rain in My Hair...

just got back from a one week "vacation" in sunny, clear-blue skies california. strike that. it rained 80% of the time! the weather was miserable. the flight to cali was awful. my 2 year old refused to sit in her seat for 6 hours with her seat-belt fastened. i don't think i got one night of good sleep. the 6 year old's asthma is back with a vengeance. a double bed just doesn't cut it for me and alex anymore after sleeping in a king for the past few years. and when i decided to sleep next to the 6 year old, i spent most of the night getting kicked, slapped, and coughed on. did i mention that i almost died on the way home on a 15 row plane due to an insane amount of turbulence from palm springs to denver?

i just need to lie on a beach, under the hot sun, with sand between my toes, a good book in my hands, the sound of waves crashing in my ears and the smell of guacamole close by.

is it bad to sometimes daydream about my girls growing up a little faster? i want to sit on a plane and read my magazine in peace. i want to eat indian food at a restaurant without sharing mango lassi, worrying about my kid making a mess or talking too loud. i want to walk around and explore a new city without pushing a stroller and mediating fights about who can sit in it.

but could i really give up listening to my girls giggle over the most random thing? or give up watching them do impromptu "performances" involving polka and singing atal matal? or stop receiving the endearing back tap when my 2 year old gives me a hug? or give up watching my 6 year old watch my wedding video over and over again with a huge grin on her face?

not a chance. no matter how much i complain, i wouldn't trade this for anything. i mean, really? i wish they could stay like this forever:

Happy 6th Birthday Dina! We All Love You!