Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Shake that Healthy Butt, Baby Got Back...




okay. so one of you readers has the evil eye. cheshm shod! in other words, my little girl was jinxed and i guess it's partly my fault for posting the picture of her adult-like poop in all its glory in my last post. last night was one of the roughest mommy nights of my life. i was up every hour tending to my severely constipated child. there is nothing sadder than seeing your child suffer and in so much agony because of a big, hard boulder of a poop refusing to come through. we had to administer a home made enema at 4am to no avail.

so this morning, i had to wrestle A into the car seat. (my brother-in-law advised that i should refrain from using the kids' first names to save them from future embarrassment and isolation.) she refused to sit on her bum. at wegmans, she refused to sit inside the grocery cart (and the cart with the kid-mobile attached to it didn't sway her either). clearly, her rectum was in some serious pain. i get an email from alex to pick up a prescription from the pharmacy, that will require another butt insert of sorts. i pray like i prayed before taking the LSAT, the MD bar, and right before giving birth to D and A. please god. please let A poop so i don't have to put anything up her cute little butt and further traumatize her.

we waddle our way up to the pharmacy counter and are told it will take 15 minutes to fill the prescription. we meander through wegmans in a sleepy stupor to kill time and as luck would have it - happen to stumble upon the diaper aisle, when A lets out a loud shriek, followed by a whimper, "mommy poo poo." there's no mistaking the smell. my baby has finally let out the hardest and biggest poop of her life. right then and there, i grab a bag of pull-ups, tear it open and remove one to replace A's diaper. there's no time for wipes. i am changing my baby's diaper right then and there in the middle of the grocery store and i don't care whose watching or how unsanitary it may appear.

seconds later, A is back to her normal, jovial self. we pick up the prescription anyway for future reference and make our way to see the "choo choo." needless to say, i have never been so happy to see and smell my kid's poop. although, i must admit, after just having changed A's 4th poopy diaper of the day, the jubilation is starting to wear off.

on a serious note, don't you think my kid could totally be a butt model?

Friday, July 10, 2009

Holy Shit!




this post should come with a PG-13 disclaimer. i'm sorry for the graphic nature of the above picture. please do not be offended, but this is the reality of a persian mommy doing her best to potty-train her 2 year old.

this morning i woke up with a mission: to begin potty-training anais. i felt her daily announcements of her farts and number 2s were her way of letting me know, "mommy i'm ready to be a big girl now and this full diaper is cramping my style." so...when she woke up this morning, i took off last night's diaper and let her roam free. picture a baby chimpanzee. a few minutes later, i heard dina and anais in the bathroom together. dina had to go #2 and encouraged her little sister to do the same in her princess toilet. i thought to myself, how cute, the sisters are bonding in the bathroom over poo. two minutes later i hear dina yell, "mom anais pooped on the toilet! come look!!"

i run from the kitchen (where i was in the middle of making chocolate-chip pancakes) with so much pride and excitement - finally my daughter had taken her first successful dump in her little toilet. i'm skipping in the hallway, singing and clapping, "yayyy ana...good job ana!!" and arrive at the doorway of the bathroom to find the above monstrosity.

clearly i had misunderstood. anais pooped ON the toilet, not IN the toilet. (thank god it didn't happen on my beloved persian rug.) needless to say, this is not going to be very easy or pleasant. we are definitely not getting a dog anytime soon. how do dog owners do it? do they really get desensitized with picking up poo? does it become second -nature? *shaking head* in any case, anais is now rocking her stage 6 pampers cruiser diaper and i have no intention of potty-training her in the near future. anais can be ready, but i'm certainly not.