Wednesday, August 18, 2010

The Camel Clutch - and I Don't Mean a Purse


it was 2 am in the morning and i couldn't sleep. i had watched 6 episodes of entourage and was wide awake. (p.s. love sloan and eric) i was at my parents' house in my old bedroom and decided to peruse through the contents of my nightstand. i found some interesting stuff. they included: what appeared to be a love letter to my husband from a latvian girl. it was from 1998, so it passed the stank test, since i met my husband in 1999. i would like to get it translated though (inga - i'm looking at you). i swear i have no clue how it got in my nightstand. it was the first time i had ever seen it. for real. it was in a ziplock bag alone with a bunch of pics from my husband's glory days at latvian camp. i found some old birthday cards and letters from friends. one particular birthday card from 10 years ago made me tear up. we are currently "separated" and i don't mean distance-wise. i also came across a book, entitled, "a book about me," that i had filled out when i was younger. this entry cracked me up:

the strongest person i know is ___________.

rather than fill in my mom or dad, i took the sentence very literally and wrote Hulk Hogan. yes folks, i used to be a die hard fan of the WWF. randy macho man savage (let's not forget the lovely elizabeth), jake the snake roberts, and the iron sheik were my heros of the day. how i got into this and how my parents allowed me to watch this nonsense and prohibited the show married with children is beyond me. i also found a packet of persian names that i had printed out while pregnant with A. it reignited the third child itch, but only for a second.

i am about to start a new chapter in my life. classes start for my quest to become a high school english teacher. i have a pile of homework due on the first day of class and asked myself - "taraneh, what have you gotten yourself into? - but only for a second.

because i know full well why i'm doing this. i want to go back to work. i want to interact with people! i want to edit papers, read books, and inspire kids - rather than jail them. i loved being in the courtroom and cross-examining witnesses. i loved the people i worked with, but i didn't love having to send a kid away to jail because he never had anyone to look up to, or be inspired by - or have anyone that believe in him for that matter. i don't want to get all sappy here. but it's true. teaching will be much more rewarding than what i was doing before.

my little girls are growing up and it's time for mommy to shift some focus onto herself. this will be good for my sanity, good for my kids, and good for my marriage. i'm not gonna lie, it's going to be nice to spend my own money without any guilt. and getting dressed up in the mornings, missing my kids, and shifting some more responsibility to my husband. "honey, can you make dinner - i've got a stack of papers to grade...honey, can you put the kids to bed, i'm exhausted from work and have to work on tomorrow's lesson plans. thanks doll!" he'll probably frown, grunt, or sigh - but only for a second.