the pic that resembles "i'm constipated" best
i hope you're not getting too tired of reading about poo. but lately my life revolves around it. no really! A has developed a major problem with constipation and pounds of blueberries, blackberries, cherries, and plums have failed to work their magic. a typical conversation between me and my husband goes as follows:
A: hi honey.
T: good morning darling.
A: how are you my love?
T: i'm well. just enjoying my time with our beautiful, perfect kids.
A: you're the model mother and wife. i miss you. i want to take you out to dinner and a movie and shower you with expensive gifts. i'm the luckiest guy in the world.
HA! here is the real exchange between us:
A: hey.
T: grunt.
A: how's A? did she poop yet? what has she had to eat? (in an oh so accusing tone)
T: food.
A: make sure she eats lots of fruit. no milk. no pasta. no bread. no bananas.
T: check. check. and check. salute.
A: keep me posted.
T: ok. bye.
3 hours later:
T: finally! she pooped!
A: thank god! poor thing. what did it look like?
T: it was huge. and hard. and long. and i can't believe that thing came out of her cute little butt.
A: what's for dinner?
T: i have really bad reception here. i can't hear a word you're saying. see ya. byeeee.
end scene.
Alex, recipient of the world's best hubby award, took care of the kids for 4 days straight so that i could spend some quality time with my relatives visiting from iran. during those 4 days of utter bliss (did i just admit that out loud?), he got A off the bottle cold turkey and insisted that her milk intake was contributing to the constipation. i was skeptical. my husband is an ER doctor. he deals with stab/gunshot wounds and heart attacks on a daily basis. was he talking out of his ass again? (pun intended.)
finally on the last day of alex's mr. mom stint, A got very constipated. and i felt slightly vindicated. i was thinking to myself, "see, i'm not a bad mom, it happened on your watch too buddy!" in any case, it's time to take her to the doctor. my family (half are doctors and the other half think they are) insists that i should give her a spoonful of olive oil each day. (we tried this method and it really works! we gave her a few spoonfuls of honey and snuck in a spoonful of olive oil - she didn't even notice) i suppose it's better than a daily dose of enema for now.
my daughter is off the bottle at the tender age of 25 months. but i hope this doesn't hinder my future dreams of her becoming a supermodel (afterall, she is 95% in height - we just need to work on the 95% in weight impediment) as she now refuses to drink milk in any other form.
poor thing!! hope this clears up. grace had a similar problem and milk was the problem. she still drinks milk 3 times a day, but she's been better with the poop over time. this was a great post. thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHahaha, t-bone, that's great!! Poop/fart stories/jokes are inherently funny. What you finally learned after 23 years of life, boys have known since birth. Keep it up, I love it!!
ReplyDeleteYou are a brilliant writer... I laughed out loud on every single one of your stories!! Don't stop now!!
ReplyDeleteCherie
bindu - it's reassuring to hear that this too shall pass...
ReplyDeletemohsen - i've concluded that anais' problems do not stem from the mohseni gene. :)
cherie - you made me blush and that's very difficult for an olive-skinned middle-easterner. thank you!
I love reading your blog. It always makes me smile. I'm anxiously awaiting your next post! You know some of us have desk jobs and need something to look forward to while drinking our morning coffee :) Give the girls a kiss for me and Sina. Miss you!
ReplyDeletethanks natalie. sorry to keep you waiting. it means so much to me that you stop by here. i miss you too!
ReplyDelete