We Don't Need No Education...

goodbye criminals. hello teeny-boppers. i will no longer answer to a judge. i will have to kiss up to the principal. i'm leaving behind words like mitigating circumstances, incompetency, the alford plea, and possession with intent to distribute and familiarizing myself with dangling modifiers, sonnets, denouement, and oxymorons (god i love that word). i'm trading in black's law dictionary, the federal rules of evidence and the constitution for farenheit 451, the scarlet letter and 1984. i'm removing restitution, rehabilitation and punishment from my vocabulary and replacing it with romanticism, transcendentalism, and existentialism. farewell benjamin cardozo and thurgood marshall. i'm with shakespeare, dickens, and keates now.  folks, i'm switching careers.  

it's a little scary. am i making a huge mistake? will i be any good? will the students like me? will i win teacher of the year or be the laughing stock of high school? will the teenage boys hit on me? will the valley-girls eye me up and down, grit and say whatever? are there teacher cliques? will i befriend the cool psychology teacher or sit in the corner of the faculty lounge with the geeky/socially-awkward physics teacher? am i going to have to chaperone a prom or homecoming? will i be grading a million papers while watching project runway and wondering what the hell have i done? will the parents annoy me? will i have to fail some kids and distribute some Cs and Ds? what if i see a cheerleader giving the stink eye to a sophomore whose taking prednisone for asthma and can't help the chubby cheeks and acne? ahem. (memories...all alone in the moonlight) oooh can i give out detentions? (oh it's personal and it's payback time bitches).  am i going to have to get cliffnotes again for books i don't understand and don't care to read?

i love reading. i love writing. i loved teaching to law students as a TA in law school. i love editing papers. i mean i really love it. there is nothing more satisfying than taking a red pen and crossing stuff out and drawing arrows and these things: {     } and question marks all over a paper (ok i lie - a tres leches or slice of pumpkin cheesecake is more satisfying, but i'm talking brains not belly right now). i also really like the idea of being home at a reasonable hour with my kids. i really really like the idea of having summers off, winter break, spring break, and all the other holidays (i heart jewish people and dead presidents and notable historical figures).

i can't wait to give a pop quiz. and dole out parts and make students act out macbeth. i'm joking. i do think our teachers are underrated, underpaid, and unappreciated. when i look back on life, my teachers and professors had the most lasting and profound impact. i hope some day people will look back and remember miss. azani as their favorite high school english teacher. that would make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and may just trump the high i get from biting into a heath bar. fyi: definition of heath = a tract of open and uncultivated land. synonym = moor. how ya like me now?  

if you don't eat yer meat, you can't have any pudding. how can you have any pudding, if you don't eat yer meat?!  what is it with me and song lyrics lately? it's a great song nonetheless. (that's a great word too.  i'm going to start using it in every day conversation.) carry on, class.