"It's All Relative in West Virginia"

well hello mr. bison.

latvians heart birch trees

i'd rather be shopping - j/k!

my ideal vacation = white sand, clear blue water, hot sun, massages, fantastic book, delicious food, dancing, beautiful sunsets, jet-skiing, burnt nose and cheeks (i'm olive skinned and wear blush 24-7 people), the best desserts, sleeping in, and NO KIDS (i love them, but can't i get a week free of diapers, poo, cheddar bunnies, questions, the berenstain bears, nose-picking and daily laundry?)

alex's ideal vacation = running, hiking (for miles), fishing, canoeing, rain, bugs, rush rush rush (my husband cannot relax and is a very impatient man. he complains constantly about my walking pace - which i swear is normal. he has told me numerous times that emails addressed to him by me must be short, succinct, and get the point across in the first sentence. but i digress...), delicious food (the one thing we can agree on), waking up at the crack of dawn, WITH KIDS.

tomorrow we leave for west virginia: the land of incest and rotten hygiene. i hope i haven't offended any loyal west virginian readers. to make matters worse, i will have zero access to television, the internet, and decent restaurants and i will be forced to hike (probably in the rain given my shitty luck with weather and vacations) for miles - with 2 whiney kids who enjoy walking as much as i do (on a scale of 1-10, i give the act of walking a 2.5 - unless there is a worth-while destination such as a movie theater, a haagen dazs parlor or a loehmanns at the end of the tunnel.) the only thing keeping me sane right now and preventing me from entering a deep depression is the prospect of eating smores. i will make it my mission to eat smores for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. fat ass? flabby arms? cellulite? double chin? pssssht. it's my fuckin vacation. afterall, i have to blend in with the hillbillies. ouch. *shaking head* i'm so ignorant. blending in again. ok ok, my work here is done.

the pics above are from our trip to jackson hole, wyoming. my initial reaction when i heard we were going there: shock and mortification. i'm not going to lie. it was a truly magical place.

dare i say west virginia will be the same?