You Talkin' To Me?

last week my 6 year old got off the bus in a very sad, somber mood and i asked her what was wrong. her response: nobody wants to sit next to her on the bus. i try to explain that most of the kids are older and have been riding the bus for a long time and have made their friends. i promise that next year will be different. i try to explain that it's not that big of a deal and to not let it get to her. i can't help but feel a twinge of sadness that my daughter has to feel alone, upset, or insecure.

a few days later, on my first day back at the gym (after oh 3 months), i took dina to the gym childcare center while i worked out. she made fast friends with another girl there, but once again she wasn't her usually chipper, talkative self when i picked her up. on the car ride home, she said a boy at the gym told her that he hated her. oh god! seriously?! i told her that usually that means that they like you but are confused about their emotions. i explained, how could he possibly hate you, if he doesn't even know you? don't even sweat it, D. i immediately call her dad for some fatherly advice and over the speaker phone he tells D, that if he ever bothers her again, she should use some of her tae kwon do moves on him. (not exactly the kind of reassurance i was looking for - but it did make D smile, so i let it slide. )

these incidents have brought back a memory from my own childhood. i lived at my aunt's house for a while in elementary school and i would dread the bus stop every morning. there was a boy, a year older, but 2 feet taller, who made my life a living hell. he called me every name in the book and threatened physical harm on me on a daily basis. i never said a word, which i think made him angrier and fueled his desire to get a reaction out of me. one day, i had just had it. i wanted to put this bully in his place and stop the agonizing misery i felt. so i turned on the water works (this was the day i realized that i could one day win an oscar) and walked through the door of my aunt's house. my favorite cousin, who had started his first year of college was sitting at the breakfast table and rushed over to me. are you ok? are you hurt? what is going on? i explained the daily torture i was going through. and he assured me that he would take care of it.

the next morning, he walked me to the bus stop and asked, is this the kid who keeps bothering you? i looked down at my feet and nodded my head. the next minute plays out like a scene out of the godfather or scarface. my hero of a cousin, in essence, told that boy if he ever talks to me or even looks at me again, he will either kill him or beat the shit out of him. i can't remember which. such colorful words were used that morning, that were not yet part of my vocabulary. the kids eyes starting tearing up, he went pale and from that day on, never spoke to me again...until years later. i wonder - maybe this blue-eyed monster had a crush on me? maybe he was intrigued by the shy, ridiculously cute - unibrowed persian girl - who kept to herself and never uttered a word to him...(side note: he ended up dating one of my best friends in high school and i never let him forget what an asshole he was to me. thankfully, my friend came to her senses and dumped him.)

i'm thankful that i had my cousin serve as my pseudo-bodyguard that day. but looking back, i kinda wish i had the balls to stand up for myself. i should have bombarded him with a wave of persian insults - *khak-to-saret chaghaloo, boro gom sho kesafat, bemeer pedar-sag, khar-jendeh...what's the worse that would have happened? he would have hit me? that's when i would have brought my cousin over to break his legs. oh well...

i wish i could protect my little girls from all the name-calling, teasing, hurtful incidents that are sure to come their way. (at least they don't have a name like "taraneh," which would have made life 10X harder for them.) but i do want them to be strong and able to handle these predicaments on their own. how do you raise confident, secure girls when there are so many biatches and bullies in the world? who knows, maybe one answer is martial arts. i just had a scary thought. peer. pressure. gulp. i can already foresee the wrinkles, grey hair, and sleepless nights. 10pm curfew makes perfect sense now.

translation:

*dirt on your head fatso, get lost dirtbag, die - your father is a dog, your sister is a slut. when telling someone off in farsi, it is very common to insult one's relatives. check out D's killer moves in tae kwon do. she done make mama proud.

On a flooded Desert Highway, Cool Rain in My Hair...

just got back from a one week "vacation" in sunny, clear-blue skies california. strike that. it rained 80% of the time! the weather was miserable. the flight to cali was awful. my 2 year old refused to sit in her seat for 6 hours with her seat-belt fastened. i don't think i got one night of good sleep. the 6 year old's asthma is back with a vengeance. a double bed just doesn't cut it for me and alex anymore after sleeping in a king for the past few years. and when i decided to sleep next to the 6 year old, i spent most of the night getting kicked, slapped, and coughed on. did i mention that i almost died on the way home on a 15 row plane due to an insane amount of turbulence from palm springs to denver?

i just need to lie on a beach, under the hot sun, with sand between my toes, a good book in my hands, the sound of waves crashing in my ears and the smell of guacamole close by.

is it bad to sometimes daydream about my girls growing up a little faster? i want to sit on a plane and read my magazine in peace. i want to eat indian food at a restaurant without sharing mango lassi, worrying about my kid making a mess or talking too loud. i want to walk around and explore a new city without pushing a stroller and mediating fights about who can sit in it.

but could i really give up listening to my girls giggle over the most random thing? or give up watching them do impromptu "performances" involving polka and singing atal matal? or stop receiving the endearing back tap when my 2 year old gives me a hug? or give up watching my 6 year old watch my wedding video over and over again with a huge grin on her face?

not a chance. no matter how much i complain, i wouldn't trade this for anything. i mean, really? i wish they could stay like this forever:

Happy 6th Birthday Dina! We All Love You!

A Flurry of Events

cuties on christmas eve

our snowman is cooler than your's.

that is what you call love.

i took the xmas tree down today and have begun the long, arduous task of decluttering our home. today, my husband wants to sell the house and move to washington dc. key emphasis on "today." you see my husband changes his mind on a daily basis about where our future home should be. one day it's mclean. the next, it's reston or centreville. we even dabbled with living in spain, italy, latvia and iran! i wouldn't be surprised if tomorrow he'd like to move to korea (his food of choice).

there is something so freeing about throwing stuff away. with each item of junk, i feel lighter. for example, i have no problem throwing away my daughters' art work, unless they're absolute masterpieces. on several occasions, she has noticed her art in the recycling bin and proceeded to remove it and scold me. one of the many benefits of having a 2 year old is that you can deflect blame onto them. "oh D, *shaking head* A must have accidentally disposed of it."

i don't think anyone else in my family is this way. certainly not my parents. last year, i attempted operation declutter the azani home and it was an utter disaster. i probably spent one week of my life cleaning out their home - from closets to bookcases, from dresser drawers to those bathroom cabinets that store god knows what from god knows when. of course, i had to ensure that my parents were nowhere in sight. my dad was in iran at the time and my mom would go to work 8 hours a day. the house was gleaming. it looked like a staged home, ready to be placed on the market. the fruits of my labor probably went stale after a week. my dad returned from iran and i was bombarded with questions: where is this? where is that? did you throw this away? i can't believe you planned to donate this?! when i arrived at my parents' house the following weekend, they were back to their old ways. after much huffing and puffing, i came to the realization that pack rats can't be expected to change over night, unless they absolutely want to and view their stuff as a barrier to peace and tranquility.

we had a lovely xmas. alex got me a kindle. the home screen reads, "alex's kindle," but i pretend not to notice. the new yorker, where have you been all my life? D now has the easy oven i coveted as a child and i think i'm more eager to bake stuff with it than she is. her aunt bought her a cupcake maker. as you can see there is a theme here and i have absolutely nothing to do with it. ahem. let me quickly change the subject. D will also add tae kwon to her resume. her dad is most excited about his dainty daughter becoming a slayer of all things with penises.

D's birthday is next week and we've opted to have a small family party as opposed to last year's 3 birthday parties! i have promised to bake cupcakes for her kindergarten class, brownie troupe, and latvian school. oh my! we plan to buy her a real bike from a real bike shop. :)

i signed up for a zumba class. i've heard great things and look forward to shaking what my mama gave me. i'm going to make a genuine effort to eat sweets in moderation and to exercise more in 2010.

A has been talking up a storm. the stuff she says is pretty incredible. oh, and speaking of storms - alex went on his solo vacation and after a mere 3 days alone, was trying to end his trip early to come home, when the snow storm hit and cancelled his flight 3 times! i think lessons were learned and certain people who shall remain nameless were more appreciated. :)

Got Mail?

A and her beloved Mimi

most recent pic of the girls with their cousin

you're not going to believe this: my 5 year old is the proud owner of an email account. i know! crazy, isn't it?? what was my husband thinking? never did i think, i would have to compete with my daughter to get on the computer to check email in the morning. at least not for another 8 or so years. today, i woke up at 7:30am, and found miss D typing away...

T: good morning, D, what are you doing?

D: oh, checking my email.

T: i glance at her inbox and girlfriend has 67

new messages! granted they're almost all from her grandpa flooding her inbox with pics of alex as a cute, chubby baby, but still...

D: mom, how do you spell ____? and these questions persist for a good 10 minutes.

alex had the bright idea of opening D a gmail account, to help reinforce spelling, reading, and writing. and it seemed like a great idea in theory, until she started asking me a million spelling questions...i am trying really hard to be patient, but some of the questions are really unnecessary.

D: how do you spell inga?

T: D, it's right in front of you, see where inga wrote her name at the bottom of her email to you... :)

D: oh yeaaaah....

T: mmmhmmm.

so we've had to place some limits. no checking email until bed is made, clothes are worn, breakfast is had, teeth are brushed, and mommy is asked, "what can i do to help?" did i mention she is a pro at using my iphone, making calls, perusing through pictures, watching videos and listening to music? i just can't believe how tech savvy she is. i'm pretty sure when i was her age, i was still enamored and preoccupied with big bird and elmo. i can't believe my kid was never into sesame street. "that show is for babies, mom," she says with utter disdain.

while on our way to the gym, i had had enough of listening to the itsy bitsy spider, so i ever so inconspicuously change the music and my new favorite song, lady gaga's bad romance, is playing and D asks:

D: mom are you sure lady gaga is the only one singing? because i definitely hear two people singing at the same time in some parts of the song. i just can't believe my 5 year old is using lady gaga in a sentence. i know her uncle is shaking his head right now. :p

in other news, alex is on day 3 of his vacation. the kids have been video chatting with him and miss him a lot. in fact, last night dina had a "nightmare" (after being in her bed for a whole 2 minutes) "because she missed daddy so much," and proceeded to watch the rest of so you think you can dance with me. also, daddy is in the process

of remodeling our basement bathroom and i'm truly impressed. i even got down and dirty and helped install some of the floor tiles. here is a pic for those who require hard evidence.

what? you don't wear hello kitty pajamas to lay down tiles?

i dragged myself to the gym today. i hadn't been in a few months. and i felt great afterwards and have begun the slow and arduous task of losing some weight and getting fit before our trips to iran in march and hawaii in july for a friend's wedding.

i haven't been to iran in 8 years! most of my family there has never met my kids. i can't wait to return to the motherland to see family, eat pizza (yes, eye ran has the best pizza i've ever had - even better than italy!), drink smoothies (sheer-o-moz), buy jewelry (you have no idea), and just walk the busy streets surrounded by the faces and voices of my people.

my resolutions for 2010 are:

1. drop 15 pounds

2. speak more farsi at home

3. become a teacher

4. get A potty-trained

5. practice more patience with the girls

6. sell the house and move to DC

7. take one class for me and learn something new

happy holidays!

First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage, Then Comes A Third Baby in a Baby Carriage?

The Honeymoon Phase - please ignore my bushy eyebrows if you can.

a rare pic of me pregnant - (the front side is too scary). please note the hideous birkenstocks i wore for 9 months due to ginormous swelling of feet and ankles.) not fun!

and then there were three...

is there room for one more?

if you know me, you know about my love for movies. i must have been an actress or a movie critic in another life. on friday, my dad and i saw 2 movies - back to back. and we even paid for the second movie too! what better way to not get sucked into the black friday madness? the first film we saw was nicolas cage's bad lieutenant. eva mendez also starred (i'm way prettier- ha!) and it was okay. nothing spectacular and i'm a little baffled as to why my trusty rotten tomatoes gave it a whopping 85%. the next movie we saw was the road. the storyline seemed interesting. the movie surpassed my expectations. one reviewer writes:

"...see it for the simplest of reasons: Because it is a good story. Not because it may be important. Not because it is unforgettable, unyielding. Not because it horrifies. Not because the score is creepily spiritual. Not because it is littered with small lines of dialogue you will remember later. Not because it contains warnings against our own demise. All of that is so. Don't see it just because you loved the book. The movie stands alone. Go see it because it's two small people set against the ugly backdrop of the world undone. A story without guarantees. In every moment — even the last one — you'll want to know what happens next, even if you can hardly stand to look. Because The Road is a story about the persistence of love between a father and a son..."

viggo (don't you just love that name?) mortenson is incredible and i stand corrected regarding his acting talents. the little boy was amazing as well. enough about movies. the point of this post is to tell you that the itch is back. no, not the itch to become a soap opera actress. the itch to have a third child. ok, let's be honest. the itch to have a son. when i returned home from the movie, i immediately emailed alex:

i think i want to try for a boy, quick before i change my mind!

i then began to search the web for sure fire ways to conceive a boy. here is what i learned:

1. apparently chance is on my side - statistically there are 51 boys for every 49 girls.

2. the shettles method says that a couple should have intercourse no more than 24 hours before ovulation and no more than 12 hours past ovulation (this seems way too complicated for this lazy chick)

3. deep penetration from your partner will deposit sperm closer to your cervix, allowing the more aggressive Y sperm to get a head start in fertilization. ahem. no comment.

4. change your diet to include red meat, salty snacks, and soft drinks (no problemo!)

5. let your partner initiate sex and focus on his pleasure. legend says if the man climaxes first, you'll have a baby boy. legend can kiss my ass.

6. schedule your love making sessions for odd numbered days of the month. (can you picture me filling out our calendar and penciling in "love making session" every other day?)

7. have sex at night, preferably when there's a quarter moon in the sky. (seriously people? a quarter moon? i should have been one of "them" and taken astronomy in college dammit.)

8. have as much sex as possible, since boys are conceived during the "honeymoon phase" of a relationship (the people who wrote this must have had kids out of wedlock or given birth exactly 9 months after their wedding)

9. have the man drink coffee before sex, since this causes the sperm with Y chromosomes to become more active. (it's a good thing alex loves coffee!)

it's such a huge, no turning back decision. do i really want to put my life on hold again? do i really want to travel with 3 kids? (and put my grand travel plans on hold for another 4 years, cause people with kids under 3 should really stay home) and shuttle/chauffeur around 3 kids?? do i really want to go through 9 months of the hell that i call pregnancy? do i really want to deal with diapers, poop, burp cloths, baby gear (darn! i already donated most of anais') all over again? do i really want my little baby anais to suffer from middle child syndrome?! *shudder*

my true fears are:

1. will the baby be healthy?

2. will our parents be able to babysit 3 kids at once when i am in desperate need of some me time? (which is usually every weekend)

3. will i go insane?

4. can we afford a nanny?

5. if the plan fails, can i survive raising 3 teenage daughters?

6. will i have to sit through 4 more years of latvian school? did i just admit that out loud?

so if you see me ordering a T-bone steak at a restaurant, you'll know why. if you see me shoving coffee down alex's throat, you'll know why. if you see a quarter moon and alex and i all of a sudden have to jet, you'll know why. if you hear me complaining about back problems on even numbered days of the month, you'll know why. if you see alex walking around with a limp, you'll know why. if you see alex and i all lovey-dovey with each other, holding hands, and blowing kisses across the room, it's because we're trying to recreate the honeymoon phase of our relationship, etc. etc.

if you don't see any of the above and find me teaching shakespeare in a school classroom or frolicking in the sands of spain with my girls (with my new and improved flat belly), you'll know i decided to stick to the status-quo.

it's now or never...

A Humbling Experience or Two

i had really Great Expectations of myself.  but, i am so pissed. failure is a really hard pill to swallow. i took my praxis II: english content knowledge, language, and literature exam and really blew it. there were 120 questions on the exam and i ran out of time and randomly bubbled in the last 20 questions. i never thought i'd be *that* person. i don't get the results for another 4 weeks, but i'm pretty confident of my less than stellar performance. The (rude) Awakening:  i may have delayed my new goal by 9 months. (i checked they don't have a summer program.) i might as well wear a big S on my chest like Hester in the Scarlet Letter. a big S for STUPID. i never timed myself while taking the practice exams. i'd do 20 questions here. 30 questions there. la di da.  my Don Juan of a husband woke up at 6:00am to take me to this test and had to put up with my foul mood for the remainder of the day.

i'm really embarrassed. i mean fuck. i can pass the virginia bar with little to no studying (shhh don't tell my mom who took care of my kids for 3 weeks so that i could "study.") but i can't pass this shit?! i was amazed to hear that the girls around me were taking the exam for the 5th time!! is me memorizing who wrote Gulliver's fucking Travels really a reflection of the kind of teacher i plan to be?  ok. enough of the allusions. i mean really - how was i going to casually slip in A Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock?  

i'm still crossing my fingers for a miracle.  and i guess i have to keep studying for a possible retake in january. this has been a humbling experience. maybe i'm not the rock star i thought i was and maybe i need to invest in a damn stopwatch.

in other news, i recently won the best wife of the year award. next month, my husband is taking an 8 day vacation without his loving wife and kids.  it started out being a bike trip with me and the kids.  it was crazy impractical, but that's what he loved about it.  i was to attend spinning classes 5 days a week in preparation.  he then came to his senses and asked if he could go it alone.  i will admit, i was a little hurt at first.  my ego was a little bruised. (and damn it this was the push i needed to lose some weight!)  why would he not want to spend his free time with yours truly?  he wants to take a vacation from moi?  the nerve! the hurt turned into resentment.  if anyone should take a solitary vacation around here, it's me! and the resentment dissipated. and in it's place came understanding.  my husband works his ass off and his free time is mostly spent with me and the kids and if he wants some time to himself to bike 40-50 miles a day, he deserves it. 

there are a few caveats (i didn't become a lawyer for nuthin): 

1.  he has to travel within the U.S.  i'm sorry, but i cannot rely on the foreign police to help me find my missing/kidnapped/spandex-wearing husband. 

2. he must call me twice a day to let me know he is alive and well - scratch that. alive and miserable-from missing me so much.  

3. we will go to hawaii and spain in the summer, just me and him.