Five More Days Until Take Off...

it's been a while...i can't really explain my absence. i've been lazy, somewhat unmotivated, and busy. we leave for iran on friday and i couldn't be more excited and nervous. nervous because i'm hoping my husband and bro-in-law don't experience any issues leaving the country...my nationalist self was in full effect these past few months in defending my country and convincing them that everything would be fine and that they had nothing to worry about. (fingers crossed) i'm also anxious because this will be the first time i'm visiting the motherland with my little nuclear family minus one furry 2 year old. will D behave and be warm and friendly or be totally intimidated and shy around my relatives? will she make no attempt to speak farsi and make her mother look bad? will my husband honor me with his presence to the countless family parties or would he rather be stuffing his face with kabob?

there's a chance i may extend my stay there by a week. i'd like to spend some quality time with my grandmother who is frail and likely to feel slighted, insulted and neglected if i don't. but part of me wonders if i can really be away from A for 3 whole weeks!!

speaking of A - potty training is going well. the dancing, clapping, and cheering continues...i'm excited to enroll the Mohseni sisters in summer camps. this will be one of the few times that the girls can participate in the same camps together. so far, they are signed up for princess camp (much to alex's dismay). it's really a glorified ballet class.

alex is on to project #2. and it doesn't involve my bathroom or kitchen. he is building a tree house for the girls. yes. a real tree house around a big oak tree and everything. i'm slightly concerned about safety, but his work in the basement bathroom has put my mind at ease.

on wednesday i will attend a substitute teacher orientation. substitute teaching will be nothing like actual teaching, but it will give me a glimpse of what i'm getting myself into. i just hope it doesn't completely turn me off the path i'm heading towards. i remember that a sub = paaarty, no discipline and zero respect. but being a mom of two feisty girls has prepared me to not be a pushover. i will whip those kids into shape if they disobey. :) plans are in place to start taking classes in august to become a full-fledged teacher.

and that concludes my update. i promise to be better about blogging. the sun, warm weather, and change of wardrobe totally lifts my spirits. happy persian new year! i leave with you the dancing sisters - in full halloween and persian tribal costume. i taught them everything they know... :)

My Husband is a Rock Star

if there's one thing i hate, it's admitting when i'm wrong. and man was i wrong about my husband. a few months ago, he decided to renovate our basement bathroom: a 70s style bathroom with the ugliest wallpaper, tackiest vanity and an eye-sore of a yellow toilet to match. i was all for updating the bathroom. i was very excited about adding a shower and increasing the value of our home should we decide to sell in the future. we got a few estimates that were way out of our budget, so i thought we'd shelve the project for some later time. but my husband got that look on his face. the same look he got when the iphone came out (and he unabashedly proclaimed: this is the happiest day of my life) he wanted to take on the bathroom remodel project solo. his persian genes were in over-drive. you see persian men think they are the jack (or javad, if you will) of all trades. they think they are doctors, plumbers, carpenters, mechanics, engineers, all wrapped in one nice hairy, big-nosed package.

so i was less than enthused for a number of reasons:

1. my husband has zero experience in laying down tiles

2. my husband has zero experience in plumbing and installing showers

3. my husband has told me about the hell involved in removing wall-paper

4. my husband was going to rely on a book to take on this endeavor

5. my husband works like a dog and now was going to spend his "free" time in the dungeon rather than spending it with me and the kids??

6. my husband is going to spend all this money and quit midway

7. i'm going to have to console him for being a quitter and stroke his ego

in the 3 months that ensued, many trips were made to home depot. many days were spent listening to banging, sawing, and sighs of frustration from below. i can now rest my raised eyebrows and set aside my doubts. he did it! he really did it and it looks glorious! [insert hallelujah music here.] i'm incredibly proud of him. i really had my doubts. but, he proved me wrong. he is seriously talented. he came across many obstacles, but his determination and perseverance produced a beautiful work of art.

about 3 minutes after he installed the last finishing touch to the bathroom - the towel bar - he says to me, i can see us living in this house for another few years. (what a coincidence!) i'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that he put so much heart and time into building this bathroom, that he can't part with it anytime soon and wants to reap the benefits. i don't blame him.

the thought of sleeping in peace in the morning, while my husband showers and gets ready downstairs at 4:30am makes me giddy. i have to admit, i'm a little jealous. i want a luxurious bathroom to call my own. i'm really hoping he'll feel sorry for me and offer to remodel "my" hideous bathroom. i know he needs a break now. but like his desire to buy a new gadget creeps upon us once a month, i know his desire to work with his hands will creep upon us again. and this time i won't be so skeptical and negative. i'll be the loving, supportive wife who takes full advantage of the fact that she's sleeping with a handyman. i've got grand plans for the kitchen.

before (gasp!)

(gag)

drum roll please...

isn't it lovely?

You Talkin' To Me?

last week my 6 year old got off the bus in a very sad, somber mood and i asked her what was wrong. her response: nobody wants to sit next to her on the bus. i try to explain that most of the kids are older and have been riding the bus for a long time and have made their friends. i promise that next year will be different. i try to explain that it's not that big of a deal and to not let it get to her. i can't help but feel a twinge of sadness that my daughter has to feel alone, upset, or insecure.

a few days later, on my first day back at the gym (after oh 3 months), i took dina to the gym childcare center while i worked out. she made fast friends with another girl there, but once again she wasn't her usually chipper, talkative self when i picked her up. on the car ride home, she said a boy at the gym told her that he hated her. oh god! seriously?! i told her that usually that means that they like you but are confused about their emotions. i explained, how could he possibly hate you, if he doesn't even know you? don't even sweat it, D. i immediately call her dad for some fatherly advice and over the speaker phone he tells D, that if he ever bothers her again, she should use some of her tae kwon do moves on him. (not exactly the kind of reassurance i was looking for - but it did make D smile, so i let it slide. )

these incidents have brought back a memory from my own childhood. i lived at my aunt's house for a while in elementary school and i would dread the bus stop every morning. there was a boy, a year older, but 2 feet taller, who made my life a living hell. he called me every name in the book and threatened physical harm on me on a daily basis. i never said a word, which i think made him angrier and fueled his desire to get a reaction out of me. one day, i had just had it. i wanted to put this bully in his place and stop the agonizing misery i felt. so i turned on the water works (this was the day i realized that i could one day win an oscar) and walked through the door of my aunt's house. my favorite cousin, who had started his first year of college was sitting at the breakfast table and rushed over to me. are you ok? are you hurt? what is going on? i explained the daily torture i was going through. and he assured me that he would take care of it.

the next morning, he walked me to the bus stop and asked, is this the kid who keeps bothering you? i looked down at my feet and nodded my head. the next minute plays out like a scene out of the godfather or scarface. my hero of a cousin, in essence, told that boy if he ever talks to me or even looks at me again, he will either kill him or beat the shit out of him. i can't remember which. such colorful words were used that morning, that were not yet part of my vocabulary. the kids eyes starting tearing up, he went pale and from that day on, never spoke to me again...until years later. i wonder - maybe this blue-eyed monster had a crush on me? maybe he was intrigued by the shy, ridiculously cute - unibrowed persian girl - who kept to herself and never uttered a word to him...(side note: he ended up dating one of my best friends in high school and i never let him forget what an asshole he was to me. thankfully, my friend came to her senses and dumped him.)

i'm thankful that i had my cousin serve as my pseudo-bodyguard that day. but looking back, i kinda wish i had the balls to stand up for myself. i should have bombarded him with a wave of persian insults - *khak-to-saret chaghaloo, boro gom sho kesafat, bemeer pedar-sag, khar-jendeh...what's the worse that would have happened? he would have hit me? that's when i would have brought my cousin over to break his legs. oh well...

i wish i could protect my little girls from all the name-calling, teasing, hurtful incidents that are sure to come their way. (at least they don't have a name like "taraneh," which would have made life 10X harder for them.) but i do want them to be strong and able to handle these predicaments on their own. how do you raise confident, secure girls when there are so many biatches and bullies in the world? who knows, maybe one answer is martial arts. i just had a scary thought. peer. pressure. gulp. i can already foresee the wrinkles, grey hair, and sleepless nights. 10pm curfew makes perfect sense now.

translation:

*dirt on your head fatso, get lost dirtbag, die - your father is a dog, your sister is a slut. when telling someone off in farsi, it is very common to insult one's relatives. check out D's killer moves in tae kwon do. she done make mama proud.

On a flooded Desert Highway, Cool Rain in My Hair...

just got back from a one week "vacation" in sunny, clear-blue skies california. strike that. it rained 80% of the time! the weather was miserable. the flight to cali was awful. my 2 year old refused to sit in her seat for 6 hours with her seat-belt fastened. i don't think i got one night of good sleep. the 6 year old's asthma is back with a vengeance. a double bed just doesn't cut it for me and alex anymore after sleeping in a king for the past few years. and when i decided to sleep next to the 6 year old, i spent most of the night getting kicked, slapped, and coughed on. did i mention that i almost died on the way home on a 15 row plane due to an insane amount of turbulence from palm springs to denver?

i just need to lie on a beach, under the hot sun, with sand between my toes, a good book in my hands, the sound of waves crashing in my ears and the smell of guacamole close by.

is it bad to sometimes daydream about my girls growing up a little faster? i want to sit on a plane and read my magazine in peace. i want to eat indian food at a restaurant without sharing mango lassi, worrying about my kid making a mess or talking too loud. i want to walk around and explore a new city without pushing a stroller and mediating fights about who can sit in it.

but could i really give up listening to my girls giggle over the most random thing? or give up watching them do impromptu "performances" involving polka and singing atal matal? or stop receiving the endearing back tap when my 2 year old gives me a hug? or give up watching my 6 year old watch my wedding video over and over again with a huge grin on her face?

not a chance. no matter how much i complain, i wouldn't trade this for anything. i mean, really? i wish they could stay like this forever:

Happy 6th Birthday Dina! We All Love You!

A Flurry of Events

cuties on christmas eve

our snowman is cooler than your's.

that is what you call love.

i took the xmas tree down today and have begun the long, arduous task of decluttering our home. today, my husband wants to sell the house and move to washington dc. key emphasis on "today." you see my husband changes his mind on a daily basis about where our future home should be. one day it's mclean. the next, it's reston or centreville. we even dabbled with living in spain, italy, latvia and iran! i wouldn't be surprised if tomorrow he'd like to move to korea (his food of choice).

there is something so freeing about throwing stuff away. with each item of junk, i feel lighter. for example, i have no problem throwing away my daughters' art work, unless they're absolute masterpieces. on several occasions, she has noticed her art in the recycling bin and proceeded to remove it and scold me. one of the many benefits of having a 2 year old is that you can deflect blame onto them. "oh D, *shaking head* A must have accidentally disposed of it."

i don't think anyone else in my family is this way. certainly not my parents. last year, i attempted operation declutter the azani home and it was an utter disaster. i probably spent one week of my life cleaning out their home - from closets to bookcases, from dresser drawers to those bathroom cabinets that store god knows what from god knows when. of course, i had to ensure that my parents were nowhere in sight. my dad was in iran at the time and my mom would go to work 8 hours a day. the house was gleaming. it looked like a staged home, ready to be placed on the market. the fruits of my labor probably went stale after a week. my dad returned from iran and i was bombarded with questions: where is this? where is that? did you throw this away? i can't believe you planned to donate this?! when i arrived at my parents' house the following weekend, they were back to their old ways. after much huffing and puffing, i came to the realization that pack rats can't be expected to change over night, unless they absolutely want to and view their stuff as a barrier to peace and tranquility.

we had a lovely xmas. alex got me a kindle. the home screen reads, "alex's kindle," but i pretend not to notice. the new yorker, where have you been all my life? D now has the easy oven i coveted as a child and i think i'm more eager to bake stuff with it than she is. her aunt bought her a cupcake maker. as you can see there is a theme here and i have absolutely nothing to do with it. ahem. let me quickly change the subject. D will also add tae kwon to her resume. her dad is most excited about his dainty daughter becoming a slayer of all things with penises.

D's birthday is next week and we've opted to have a small family party as opposed to last year's 3 birthday parties! i have promised to bake cupcakes for her kindergarten class, brownie troupe, and latvian school. oh my! we plan to buy her a real bike from a real bike shop. :)

i signed up for a zumba class. i've heard great things and look forward to shaking what my mama gave me. i'm going to make a genuine effort to eat sweets in moderation and to exercise more in 2010.

A has been talking up a storm. the stuff she says is pretty incredible. oh, and speaking of storms - alex went on his solo vacation and after a mere 3 days alone, was trying to end his trip early to come home, when the snow storm hit and cancelled his flight 3 times! i think lessons were learned and certain people who shall remain nameless were more appreciated. :)

Got Mail?

A and her beloved Mimi

most recent pic of the girls with their cousin

you're not going to believe this: my 5 year old is the proud owner of an email account. i know! crazy, isn't it?? what was my husband thinking? never did i think, i would have to compete with my daughter to get on the computer to check email in the morning. at least not for another 8 or so years. today, i woke up at 7:30am, and found miss D typing away...

T: good morning, D, what are you doing?

D: oh, checking my email.

T: i glance at her inbox and girlfriend has 67

new messages! granted they're almost all from her grandpa flooding her inbox with pics of alex as a cute, chubby baby, but still...

D: mom, how do you spell ____? and these questions persist for a good 10 minutes.

alex had the bright idea of opening D a gmail account, to help reinforce spelling, reading, and writing. and it seemed like a great idea in theory, until she started asking me a million spelling questions...i am trying really hard to be patient, but some of the questions are really unnecessary.

D: how do you spell inga?

T: D, it's right in front of you, see where inga wrote her name at the bottom of her email to you... :)

D: oh yeaaaah....

T: mmmhmmm.

so we've had to place some limits. no checking email until bed is made, clothes are worn, breakfast is had, teeth are brushed, and mommy is asked, "what can i do to help?" did i mention she is a pro at using my iphone, making calls, perusing through pictures, watching videos and listening to music? i just can't believe how tech savvy she is. i'm pretty sure when i was her age, i was still enamored and preoccupied with big bird and elmo. i can't believe my kid was never into sesame street. "that show is for babies, mom," she says with utter disdain.

while on our way to the gym, i had had enough of listening to the itsy bitsy spider, so i ever so inconspicuously change the music and my new favorite song, lady gaga's bad romance, is playing and D asks:

D: mom are you sure lady gaga is the only one singing? because i definitely hear two people singing at the same time in some parts of the song. i just can't believe my 5 year old is using lady gaga in a sentence. i know her uncle is shaking his head right now. :p

in other news, alex is on day 3 of his vacation. the kids have been video chatting with him and miss him a lot. in fact, last night dina had a "nightmare" (after being in her bed for a whole 2 minutes) "because she missed daddy so much," and proceeded to watch the rest of so you think you can dance with me. also, daddy is in the process

of remodeling our basement bathroom and i'm truly impressed. i even got down and dirty and helped install some of the floor tiles. here is a pic for those who require hard evidence.

what? you don't wear hello kitty pajamas to lay down tiles?

i dragged myself to the gym today. i hadn't been in a few months. and i felt great afterwards and have begun the slow and arduous task of losing some weight and getting fit before our trips to iran in march and hawaii in july for a friend's wedding.

i haven't been to iran in 8 years! most of my family there has never met my kids. i can't wait to return to the motherland to see family, eat pizza (yes, eye ran has the best pizza i've ever had - even better than italy!), drink smoothies (sheer-o-moz), buy jewelry (you have no idea), and just walk the busy streets surrounded by the faces and voices of my people.

my resolutions for 2010 are:

1. drop 15 pounds

2. speak more farsi at home

3. become a teacher

4. get A potty-trained

5. practice more patience with the girls

6. sell the house and move to DC

7. take one class for me and learn something new

happy holidays!