First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage, Then Comes A Third Baby in a Baby Carriage?

The Honeymoon Phase - please ignore my bushy eyebrows if you can.

a rare pic of me pregnant - (the front side is too scary). please note the hideous birkenstocks i wore for 9 months due to ginormous swelling of feet and ankles.) not fun!

and then there were three...

is there room for one more?

if you know me, you know about my love for movies. i must have been an actress or a movie critic in another life. on friday, my dad and i saw 2 movies - back to back. and we even paid for the second movie too! what better way to not get sucked into the black friday madness? the first film we saw was nicolas cage's bad lieutenant. eva mendez also starred (i'm way prettier- ha!) and it was okay. nothing spectacular and i'm a little baffled as to why my trusty rotten tomatoes gave it a whopping 85%. the next movie we saw was the road. the storyline seemed interesting. the movie surpassed my expectations. one reviewer writes:

"...see it for the simplest of reasons: Because it is a good story. Not because it may be important. Not because it is unforgettable, unyielding. Not because it horrifies. Not because the score is creepily spiritual. Not because it is littered with small lines of dialogue you will remember later. Not because it contains warnings against our own demise. All of that is so. Don't see it just because you loved the book. The movie stands alone. Go see it because it's two small people set against the ugly backdrop of the world undone. A story without guarantees. In every moment — even the last one — you'll want to know what happens next, even if you can hardly stand to look. Because The Road is a story about the persistence of love between a father and a son..."

viggo (don't you just love that name?) mortenson is incredible and i stand corrected regarding his acting talents. the little boy was amazing as well. enough about movies. the point of this post is to tell you that the itch is back. no, not the itch to become a soap opera actress. the itch to have a third child. ok, let's be honest. the itch to have a son. when i returned home from the movie, i immediately emailed alex:

i think i want to try for a boy, quick before i change my mind!

i then began to search the web for sure fire ways to conceive a boy. here is what i learned:

1. apparently chance is on my side - statistically there are 51 boys for every 49 girls.

2. the shettles method says that a couple should have intercourse no more than 24 hours before ovulation and no more than 12 hours past ovulation (this seems way too complicated for this lazy chick)

3. deep penetration from your partner will deposit sperm closer to your cervix, allowing the more aggressive Y sperm to get a head start in fertilization. ahem. no comment.

4. change your diet to include red meat, salty snacks, and soft drinks (no problemo!)

5. let your partner initiate sex and focus on his pleasure. legend says if the man climaxes first, you'll have a baby boy. legend can kiss my ass.

6. schedule your love making sessions for odd numbered days of the month. (can you picture me filling out our calendar and penciling in "love making session" every other day?)

7. have sex at night, preferably when there's a quarter moon in the sky. (seriously people? a quarter moon? i should have been one of "them" and taken astronomy in college dammit.)

8. have as much sex as possible, since boys are conceived during the "honeymoon phase" of a relationship (the people who wrote this must have had kids out of wedlock or given birth exactly 9 months after their wedding)

9. have the man drink coffee before sex, since this causes the sperm with Y chromosomes to become more active. (it's a good thing alex loves coffee!)

it's such a huge, no turning back decision. do i really want to put my life on hold again? do i really want to travel with 3 kids? (and put my grand travel plans on hold for another 4 years, cause people with kids under 3 should really stay home) and shuttle/chauffeur around 3 kids?? do i really want to go through 9 months of the hell that i call pregnancy? do i really want to deal with diapers, poop, burp cloths, baby gear (darn! i already donated most of anais') all over again? do i really want my little baby anais to suffer from middle child syndrome?! *shudder*

my true fears are:

1. will the baby be healthy?

2. will our parents be able to babysit 3 kids at once when i am in desperate need of some me time? (which is usually every weekend)

3. will i go insane?

4. can we afford a nanny?

5. if the plan fails, can i survive raising 3 teenage daughters?

6. will i have to sit through 4 more years of latvian school? did i just admit that out loud?

so if you see me ordering a T-bone steak at a restaurant, you'll know why. if you see me shoving coffee down alex's throat, you'll know why. if you see a quarter moon and alex and i all of a sudden have to jet, you'll know why. if you hear me complaining about back problems on even numbered days of the month, you'll know why. if you see alex walking around with a limp, you'll know why. if you see alex and i all lovey-dovey with each other, holding hands, and blowing kisses across the room, it's because we're trying to recreate the honeymoon phase of our relationship, etc. etc.

if you don't see any of the above and find me teaching shakespeare in a school classroom or frolicking in the sands of spain with my girls (with my new and improved flat belly), you'll know i decided to stick to the status-quo.

it's now or never...

A Humbling Experience or Two

i had really Great Expectations of myself.  but, i am so pissed. failure is a really hard pill to swallow. i took my praxis II: english content knowledge, language, and literature exam and really blew it. there were 120 questions on the exam and i ran out of time and randomly bubbled in the last 20 questions. i never thought i'd be *that* person. i don't get the results for another 4 weeks, but i'm pretty confident of my less than stellar performance. The (rude) Awakening:  i may have delayed my new goal by 9 months. (i checked they don't have a summer program.) i might as well wear a big S on my chest like Hester in the Scarlet Letter. a big S for STUPID. i never timed myself while taking the practice exams. i'd do 20 questions here. 30 questions there. la di da.  my Don Juan of a husband woke up at 6:00am to take me to this test and had to put up with my foul mood for the remainder of the day.

i'm really embarrassed. i mean fuck. i can pass the virginia bar with little to no studying (shhh don't tell my mom who took care of my kids for 3 weeks so that i could "study.") but i can't pass this shit?! i was amazed to hear that the girls around me were taking the exam for the 5th time!! is me memorizing who wrote Gulliver's fucking Travels really a reflection of the kind of teacher i plan to be?  ok. enough of the allusions. i mean really - how was i going to casually slip in A Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock?  

i'm still crossing my fingers for a miracle.  and i guess i have to keep studying for a possible retake in january. this has been a humbling experience. maybe i'm not the rock star i thought i was and maybe i need to invest in a damn stopwatch.

in other news, i recently won the best wife of the year award. next month, my husband is taking an 8 day vacation without his loving wife and kids.  it started out being a bike trip with me and the kids.  it was crazy impractical, but that's what he loved about it.  i was to attend spinning classes 5 days a week in preparation.  he then came to his senses and asked if he could go it alone.  i will admit, i was a little hurt at first.  my ego was a little bruised. (and damn it this was the push i needed to lose some weight!)  why would he not want to spend his free time with yours truly?  he wants to take a vacation from moi?  the nerve! the hurt turned into resentment.  if anyone should take a solitary vacation around here, it's me! and the resentment dissipated. and in it's place came understanding.  my husband works his ass off and his free time is mostly spent with me and the kids and if he wants some time to himself to bike 40-50 miles a day, he deserves it. 

there are a few caveats (i didn't become a lawyer for nuthin): 

1.  he has to travel within the U.S.  i'm sorry, but i cannot rely on the foreign police to help me find my missing/kidnapped/spandex-wearing husband. 

2. he must call me twice a day to let me know he is alive and well - scratch that. alive and miserable-from missing me so much.  

3. we will go to hawaii and spain in the summer, just me and him.

   

Man Gribants Est (I'm Hungry in Latvian)

i had grand plans tuesday. i arranged for my dad to drive down to virginia to care of the kids so that i could take my beginner latvian class. i arrived at my sister's house (my sanctuary in MD) at 2:00pm, after making my obligatory trip to mama lucia and yogiberry (a girl's gotta eat). i receive a phone call from GW, letting me know that the class has been cancelled tonight due to a family emergency. i was bummed. i was excited to start the journey of learning another language. and did my husband think i was the coolest, awesomest wife for taking on this endeavor? did he support me and encourage me and look at me with pure love in his eyes? 

this is what i had envisioned:

T: honey, i have a surprise for you.

A: what is it, my love?

T: i'm going to learn how to speak latvian!! i signed up for classes!

A: *eyes tearing up.* *getting all choked up* you. did. this. for me?

T:  yes, of course, for you. (and for me so i can know what exactly my mom-in-law is saying to you when it's just the 3 of us in a room and it's like i'm not there) but yes, for you darling.

A: i'm so touched. you're amazing!! thank god, you agreed to marry me.

this is how it really played out:

T: guess what?! i signed up to take beginner latvian. there will be 6 sessions at GW.  i'll need you to take care of the kids 3 tuesday nights and my dad will help out on those nights you're working. isn't that great?!

A: this sounds totally inconvenient.  we already know how to communicate in 2 languages with one another - why do we need to add another language?

T: *blank stare. totally deflated.* this is clearly not the reaction i was going for. i was expecting a passionate kiss, ok fine - a pat on the back. jesus. a high five or a thumbs up sign at the very least.

maybe he'll appreciate this once the class is over and i'm whispering sweet latvian nothings in his ear. maybe then, he'll see that this was my way to show him that i love the guy and want to learn more about where he's from and what he's all about.  i also like the feeling of doing something for myself. it's not belly-dancing (which i would really love to learn) or photography, but it's still being in a classroom environment and learning something new. i really miss that. and i know this sounds crazy, but i am really looking forward to going back to school to pursue teaching. being a mom is fantastic and fulfilling, but it definitely doesn't hurt to do something for you and have a goal to strive for.

i got to catch up on 4 episodes of curb your enthusiasm, which totally helped lift my spirits. larry david reminds me a lot of my husband. maybe that's why i love him so much...

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update:  i got an email yesterday that the latvian class has been totally cancelled. the teacher had some issues, which i'm sure are completely legitimate, but dammit, i'm really disappointed. oh well. they may offer the class again in spring...