I guess I’m not the kind of mom I thought I’d be:
I thought I would:
Have 5 kids
Raise perfect kids
Never raise my voice
Never lose my temper
Never leave a diaper on too long
Never turn on PBS Kids so I can check my email
Set up weekly play-dates
Be gung-ho about arts & crafts
Prepare nutritious home cooked meals every night
Have a spotless home, with color-coordinated bins for my kids’ toys
Look fit, skinny, and stylish with no sleep
Have loads of energy
Maintain composure and not appear desperate when husband comes home
Go back to work after spending a year or two with kids
Enjoy family vacations
Be the kind of mom my mom wants me to be
Be the kind of mom my mom was to me
Throw fabulous dinner parties
Never throw away my kids’ drawings
Never rush through bedtime stories
Update baby/scrap books
Never be so happy for nap time or bedtime
The reality is…that I’m exhausted. And sometimes I lose it. I mean really lose it. The frozen foods aisle of Trader Joes is my savior. My husband and I love each other too much to have a 3rd kid. Dina is moody and whines more than my soon-to-be-2-year-old. Anais still doesn’t know her ABCs and 123s and loves to announce her daily farts (Ana gooz). I cannot get rid of 10 pounds of baby weight (which is sitting pretty in my mid-section). I would rather go on a vacation with my husband or girlfriends. I can’t wipe the huge grin off my face when my kids are tucked away in bed. In fact, I'll admit it - at times, it can be the highlight of my day. I often look like I belong in a zoo when my husband comes home from a 12 hour shift and I practically throw the kids at him when he walks through the door (unless I’ve put them to bed at 7pm).
I think it's time I let go of the guilt.
I have asked my parents numerous times how do you actually raise a child? Especially, being foreign born...
ReplyDeleteYou can't be hard on yourself, raising 2 young girls, let alone one, is NOT an easy feat. It is an endeavor you have taken on, and your job as "mommy" will never end! You still go to your beautiful mother for advice, as do all children. One can only hope to move forward, and to learn from our mistakes, but learning and growing is what is the hardest part. As a smart, beautiful, educated, and funny woman, you must NOT consider it a shortcoming if you are not a carbon copy of your own mother. All mothers wish to be like their own, but you teach by example, actions speak louder than words, and you try your best, because eventually you will have to let go! You have managed quite beautifully. These years will fly by and you will miss these precious moments. Be the best mommy YOU can be to your girls, and build the STRONGEST relationship & friendship you can; Build their confidence and show them that home and family is a place where they can always turn to when in need, NO MATTER WHAT!
no guilt indeed. they are great. one day you will be proud that dina is so good at expressing herself.
ReplyDeletetaraneh
ReplyDeletei find such delight in reading your musings.
never forget i'm always missing all of my persian ladies.
x
amen...the SH*& can be hard, hard, hard.
ReplyDeleteNo guilt! I think your only lesson should be not to put so much pressure on yourself in the first place. You are such a great mom and person! Your girls will grow into wonderful women because they have such a fantastic role model.
ReplyDeleteone word...nanny!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Colleen! Don't feel guilty, and start giving yourself more credit. Think about what you DO and not what you don't (even though I know it's easier said than done.) Just know that all of your friends think you are an amazing and beautiful mom (and so do your daughters, even though they might not always admit it now!) =)
ReplyDelete